He messaged me and told me to leave him alone. I guess this is it. I guess I don't have to make that trip to KY anymore. Guess I can tell mom that I can go back to Macau after my exam now... Originally wanted to spend all 3 weeks between the end of my semester and the beginning of the next in KY... I love him so much, I miss him so much. But I guess it all doesn't matter now...
He said that I don't care about being with him but about NOT being with him. I guess in a way, I never really showed him how much I liked being with him... I guess I showed too much of my insecured side... I guess I'm too needy...
I'm going to try my best and become the independant girl that I was. The one that doesn't need anyone. I won't try to contact him anymore... what's the point? He doesn't want me anymore. Doesn't matter what I say anymore. I guess it's for the best... I've done nothing but made him mad and sad all the time and then be demanding of his attention and wondering and doubting him.
Uninstalled RO from my comp. I don't want to keep trying to see if he might still be on RO or if he had divorced my sinx yet. If one day he does, I know I'll be devastated... better to not know... better to uninstall the game and never find out... Uninstalled Phantasy Star Online too... I really liked that game but I don't want to run into him on the game if he still plays... Nor do I want him to not play anything to avoid me. Uninstalled Secret of Solstice too although he hasn't played that for a long time now... but still I uninstalled it since it was because of him that I played SOS. Uninstalled Skype and Ventrilo... no use of them anymore. Uninstalled Gunbound too... Was going to delete the photos and videos of when he was here... but then I stopped and told myself that this would just be silly since deleting those cannot erase my memories of when he was here and it won't deny the fact that he was here.
I wonder if I should send him back his shirt and woolie hat that he left at my place... Sigh... I guess I should...
I'm glad he sent me that message... at least I can stop hoping now... at least he was clear about it. Soon, I'll be ok... I'll recover... I'll be fine again... Soon... Soon I'll be able to lock my feelings back into my heart... I'll be able to find myself again... Soon...
Right now, can I just be weak and cry?
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1 comment:
I don't normally do boy-talk.
but for what it's worth, please, don't cry for him. Cry for your loss and your hurt, yes, but not for the person. This could sound cold, but... that's what I think.
I know that I partly encouraged you into going to see the guy but I'm sorry it turned out this way.
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